5 Scary Movies for Horror Movie Date Night!

Date Night.

The thought of those two words fills me with excitement, happiness and if I am honest.. a little bit of dread.

   

Like most people, my week is full of lethargic minutiae; work, kids sports, house work blah blah blah. It isn’t until 9p.m when I finally get to catch up with Mrs G. for an hour on the couch, trying and failing to remain relevant by watching whatever new show the internet tells us we ‘simply must not miss (ahem Twin Peaks) but then ultimately end up falling asleep on the couch.

But date night is different, it has a completely different vibe to it, magical and mysterious it feels like, well like anything could happen.

But Simon, why does date night fill you with dread ?

Thanks for asking. Date night can carry certain pressures to create the perfect atmosphere. It has to have a particular aura, a sweet sexy ambiance that requires planning. An effort must be made to make the night special- but not overplayed, it shouldn’t feel robotic or mechanical. If your night involves an itinerary that looks anything like the example below, then you have gone too far, and you may die alone, eaten by your cats.

Bad Date Plan Don’t Do This!

But fear not, Simon has got your back. In my experience the best thing to do on date night is watch a scary movie! Fear can induce a quickened pulse and a surge of adrenaline which your brain can interpret as arousal. But, before you rush out and buy a brand new copy of the Human Centipede Part 2 in 4k, there are certain criteria that the scary flick must meet to be a valid date night movie.

Selection Criteria

Your chosen movie must meet these three carefully chosen KPIs:

  1. It must be scary! There needs to be suspense and fear to optimise your snuggle chances. remember “More Jump Scares = More Cuddles”
  2. No excessive nudity. Occasional nudity is fine but if the movie is 90mins of boobs, bums and dongs, odds are you’ve rented a soft-core porno, and you now look like a perv.
  3. Good Guys Win / Bad Guys Don’t Win. This is the most important of the three. The other two can be subsidised with charm or humour. But no-one wants to make kissy faces after watching the protagonist mercy kill his own son only to find out that it was not necessary… F#*K you Frank Darabont, you ruined my date night! Ahem, so the movie has to end on a happy or at least light note.

 

Movie No. 1 : Scream (1996)

Ahhhh Scream. I secretly think Wes Craven was having marital issues when he came up with this movie. It’s the perfect entry-level date night movie. Its Scary, sexy and fun.

Best Snuggle Moment

The iconic opening of this movie really sets the tone, as poor Drew Barrymore’s torment at the hands of ghost face escalates, your date will get closer and closer until you find yourselves fully embraced at the 5 minute mark! The rest of the film is peppered with plenty of sudden scares and tense moments, so rest assured the only time you won’t be entwined is during toilets breaks.

Possible substitutions

I Know What You Did Last Summer & Urban Legend

 

Movie No. 2 : A Nightmare on Elm St (1985)

The 2nd entry in our romantic list is another Wes Craven classic (hmmm, could Wes Craven be the horror love doctor?), Nightmare on Elm StreetThis movie is terrifying from start to finish, thus again ensuring your hug buddy remains close by for the entire film.

Best Snuggle Moment:

All of it! Freddy torments this poor teenagers from start to finish, the tension is established early on when we fist visit the boiler room, and I’m my experience, Mrs G doesn’t leave my side until the credits roll.

Possible substitutions

Candyman & Fright Night

 

Movie No. 3 : The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

This expectation busting, genre bending Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard film is made for a slightly more off beat romantic evening. On first impressions this is a fun, isolated cabin slasher movie filled with the usual horror archetypes (jock, stoner, cheerleader). But don’t let it fool you because it winds up taking you on a  lovely and unexpected journey.

Best Snuggle Moment:

As soon as the Buckner family turn up to terrorise our young college students, then its time for some quality nestling. And although the ending may slightly violate one of our KPI’s, the way it comes about will leave you and your best girl/boy still feeling pleasant and satisfied.

Possible substitutions

10 Cloverfield Lane & It Follows

Movie No. 4 : Friday the 13th (2009)

Oh Shit! Did I just say the inferior remake? YES! why? well because a) This movie is enjoyable. b) it’s a much prettier viewing experience. and c) Jared Padalecki gets everybody in the mood, don’t deny it!

Best Snuggle Moment:

The moment when Jason disconnects the power in the cabin and sneaks inside, this is prime time for hugs. Movie moments like this also shape the very real fears that we can’t help but feel when the power goes out unexpectedly in real life.

Possible substitutions

Freddy vs Jason & My Bloody Valentine (2009)

 

Movie No. 5 : The Conjuring (2013)

James Wan, who is currently smack bang in the middle of the new horror renaissance, crafted a film that is genuinely fresh and scary. There is a reason this film is last on the list- it is not for beginner horror fans. If you enjoy the TV show Supernatural, but watch most of it from behind a pillow, because ‘it’s a bit scary’ then maybe give this one a pass, just until you cut your teeth a bit more.

Best Snuggle Moment:

The game of Hide and Clap. This scene is so tense and scary, that it may cause you to crawl inside your freshly hollowed out snuggle buddy like a tauntaun, just to get away from the fear. I hope you aren’t claustrophobic because after this scene your personal space will be shared for hours after the film ends.

Possible substitutions

Insidious & Dead Silence

 

Now you have your date night entertainment all sorted, take some time to plan the perfect meal and don’t forget to grab some delicious after dinner movie snacks. Keep the lights low, the romance high and I guarantee you will have a great night of laughs, scares and maybe even some smooches.

 

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Simon Gamack

Simon is a nice guy! He is 1/2 of the parenting podcast The Dad Zone. He loves movies, especially horror, video games, especially not horror, and is addicted to cool T-Shirts. He often talks in the 3rd person, or is it 2nd person? Simon is not sure. Simon also likes most sports, but don’t hold that against him, or is it me… or us?