It’s the first Saturday of the month, which means it’s time for Saturday Morning Scares! Each month we take a look at a horror cartoon or TV show for all the creepy kids out there, but this month we’re doing something a little different. Since we’re celebrating March as March Break Month here at Nightmare on Film Street, we’re gonna have a Saturday Morning Scares Commercial Break! Using the same categories we use to break down all these rad cartoons, I’ve put together a curated collection of words from the sponsors.
Look, I get that commercials are just capitalism and all that but let’s set aside our punk rock anti-commercialism for just a couple minutes and have a little fun!
Ads are Scary
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THE SHORT VERSION
The Masters of the Universe Slime Pit You don’t have to know anything about the Masters of the Universe to appreciate this commercial. Characters get held in place by monster bones, then a dragon(?) skull yakks a bunch of slime all over them. That’s a whole story right there! This 30-second commercial is, unironically, better than some short films that get screened at festivals. 10/10 would return to the Evil Horde Slime Pit.
CAST OF SCARE-ACTERS
Mtn Dew Zero Sugar Gremlins This one’s from this year! And from a characters standpoint, it blows everything else out of the water. Zach Galligan returns as Billy, and Gizmo returns as Gizmo, to try out the sugar-free Mtn Dew. As if that’s not enough, and it is, we see Billy’s Manic Panic daughter who has a mogwai of her own! This mogwai has a deathrock double Mohawk, which is a good enough reason for this character to get a NECA figure or a Cavity Colors shirt.
Pepsi/Doritos Monster Mash If these commercials are like TV shows, this episode is for Sweeps Week. They pull out all the stops! From celebrity endorsements (Frankenstein!) to a Halloween party I desperately want to attend to some snacks that I’m about to tear into right now, this is half a minute of pure Halloween.
THEME SONG: Does it SLAP or is it CRAP?
Six Flags Fright Fest It’s not necessarily a “spooky song,” but it’s still gonna get stuck in my head for the next four days. We all want to board the Vengabus! Because I am also scared of a surprisingly limber senior citizen, I rate the Six Flags theme (Vengabus by Vengaboys) a SLAP. Now, just imagine the Phantom of the Opera playing this on a pipe organ. Eek!
Count Chocula feat. Bela Lugosi That’s the REAL Dracula!!! How’d they even get him in this one? Count Chocula is the definitive creepy cereal, so you know I had to throw my boy a bowl. There are a ton of great Count Chocula commercials throughout the years, but this is the Most Draculous one. This tag team pulled straight from our fondest nightmares would make a great couples costume, and clearly a good way to sell cereal.
FUN AND GAMES
Nerf Zombie Strike RevReaper A few years back, Nerf released a line of zombie-themed guns (sorry, “dart blasters”). They had sick green paint jobs, the packaging had apocalyptic artwork, and there was even some lore to go with them! The gun in this ad isn’t the raddest in the lineup (there’s one called the BRAINSAW), but it has the best commercial. Kids on bikes are a classic horror trope, but kids on bikes with sidecars getting chased by zombies?? Now you’re playing with power!!!
Zombies Ate My Neighbors This game SPANKS, so let’s start there. Even if it sucked, though, this commercial’s a work of art. You’ve got a pretty good-looking zombie shambling around, and there’s even some cinematography going on. We get an Evil Dead zoom in on the door, we get the zombie’s POV, intercut with gameplay footage, and there’s a lot going on for these thirty seconds! If I’d seen this commercial when I was younger, it would probably have scared the crap outta me. This is the highest praise I can give a commercial.
Super Swimmer Shark Attack This one’s a stretch, but with Surfing in the name I had to go with the Super Swimmer Shark Attack! Ya know how when you’re a kid and you get in the pool, even though you know there’s no way there’s a shark in the pool you think maybe there’s a shark in the pool? Well in this case, it’s just your pesky brother wearing flippers, gloves, and goggles that make him look like a danged shark! The gloves are the pivotal piece, because they allow you to use tour fingers and grab onto someone’s legs just like a real shark. These also came in Creature From The Legally-Distinct Lagoon, but the shark ones were way scarier.
Are you headed to eBay to buy a bunch of this stuff? Let us know over on Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, and the Horror Fiends of Nightmare on Film Street Facebook page! For more reviews, recommendations, and short video clips that spark memories that send you down the Wikipedia rabbit hole for days, stay tuned to Nightmare on Film Street.