Complete and total jerks are everywhere in the horror genre. Despite their numerous deficiencies in personality and social nuance, we absolutely love to hate these characters. Irritating jocks, creepy socially inept basket-cases, or just downright slimy so-and-so’s.
We always find ourselves drawn to the most unpleasant of characters. These archetypes can be found in any genre of film but horror has some real specimens to push our respective buttons. Join us in our rundown of The 10 Worst (or is that best?) Weenies in Horror.
10. Pete – Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The flat mate from hell and yes, a weenie. Picking apart at the slightest co-habitual misdemeanor and magnifying it tenfold. You get the idea that at once, Pete (Peter Serafinowicz) wasn’t such a buzz-kill. He may actually have been a laugh but has slowly become more embittered and jaded with age. He consistently complains about flat-mate/squatter Ed (Nick Frost) and his numerous failings and actual flat-mate Shaun’s (Simon Pegg) inability to get his life in order. The fact he becomes a card-carrying member of the undead doesn’t seem to improve matters much.
9. Evil Ed – Fright Night (1985)
Everything about Ed (Stephen Geoffreys) screams weenie. His voice, that damn laugh, his annoying awkward barbs aimed at long-suffering friend Charley (“You’re so cool Brewster!”). He becomes even more of a jerk when made into a vampire by Jerry Daindridge (Chris Sarandon), a sniveling, sub-servant, bloodsucking one at that. He meets his pointy end at the hands of “vampire hunter” Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall). It’s actually quite hard to not feel sorry for the guy as he tearfully meets his maker. Poor weenie Ed.
8. Mrs Deagle – Gremlins (1984)
I think there may be other more colourful words to describe Mrs Deagle (Polly Holiday) but weenie certainly is one of them. She’s like some kind of pantomime villain made flesh. Evicting families from their homes at Christmas, demanding Billy Peltzer’s (Zach Galligan) dog Barney be put down because he broken her imported Bavarian snowman, even something as small as not returning a greeting of good morning. It’s very hard not to cheer when that stair-lift flies out that window.
7. Orin Scrivelo DDS – Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Orin Scrivelo DDS (Steve Martin) loves his job, well, he loves the hurting people part. His love of inflicting pain spills over into his personal life, terrorizing his own girlfriend, Audrey (Ellen Green). With a song in his heart and a giant canister of Nitrous-oxide on his back, he’s a grinning, snickering, sadistic weenie of the highest order. He meets his match in masochistic patient Arthur Denton (Bill Murray) who enjoys his dental appointments a little too much. Someone obviously didn’t tell Orin that Nos is bad for your health, he literally dies laughing.
6. Vera Cosgrove – Braindead/Dead Alive (1990)
The mother from hell. Vera (Elizabeth Moody) rules over son Lionel (Timothy Balme) with an iron fist and an acid tongue. Not happy with Lionel’s burgeoning relationship with the “experienced” Paquita (Diana Peñalver), her interfering becomes her undoing. Attacked by a Sumatran rat-monkey whilst trying to sabotage a zoo date between Lionel and Paquita, Vera goes through some changes. Spreading a plague of the undead, The infection she develops only makes Vera even more monstrous and demanding in her hold over her downtrodden son.
5. Dennis Nedry – Jurassic Park (1993)
A weenie with a chip on his shoulder. He’s good at what he does, he’s damn good and he knows it. Nedry (Wayne Knight) regularly holds the proverbial Sword of Damocles over the head of his employer John Hammond (Richard Attenborough). He routinely threatens to go to his competitors if he isn’t payed more. Nedry takes his weenieness to greater depths when he shuts down the security grid of a FRICKIN DINOSAUR THEME PARK just so he can cover himself stealing genetic samples to sell to the highest bidder. Never has an I.T guy been more deserving of becoming dino chow.
4. Carter Burke – Aliens (1986)
A shady corporate weenie, everything about Carter Burke (Paul Reiser) is slimy. Weyland-Yutani’s man in the field signs the order to send innocent settlers to terraform the xenomorph infested LV-426. When contact is lost, he convinces Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) to face the xenomorph horror yet again, ensuring her safety by sending a squad of colonial marines as her protectors. This is ultimately just a cover so he can bring a live specimen back to his paymasters. Through a swift face-hugger impregnation, Burke intends to bring a live xenomorph back to earth without anyone getting wise to his nefarious scheme. When he bumps into that xeno whilst making his escape, who didn’t punch the air a little? Corporate weenies are just the worst.
3. Stu – Scream (1996)
Ah Stu (Matthew Lillard), every jerk you went to school with wrapped up into one neat package with the added ass-hattery of being a psychotic killer. Be it his increasingly annoying gesticulating, his mocking of pretty much everyone in his circle of friends and oh yeah, the dressing up in a Halloween costume to murder people. Subordinate to his homicidal accomplice Billy (Skeet Ulrich), also a weenie, it becomes more clear as the film progresses just how much of a sick puppy he is. He doesn’t think twice about offing the student body and even his own girlfriend. A swift TV to the head brings an end to this d-bags nonsense.
2. Uncle Frank – Hellraiser (1987)
The creepiest of creepy uncles, creepy Uncle Weenie if you will. Frank (Oliver Smith) is a colossal pervert, seeking new and degrading ways to scratch his particular deviant itch. Thanks to his meddling with the Lament Configuration, a puzzle box promising the wonders of untold sensual fulfillment, Frank’s literally reduced to a shell of his former self. He has an affair with his brothers wife Julia (Claire Higgins) and gets her to kill for him so he can feed on her prey to regain his lost humanity. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no. He then has Julia murder his own brother Larry (Andrew Robinson) and attempt to kill his niece Kirsty (Ashley Laurence). Not a nice fella. He eventually meets his deserved end at the hands of the Cenobites he has been trying so hard to slip. “Jesus wept!”, indeed.
1. Captain Rhodes – Day of the Dead (1985)
King Weenie without doubt., Although I’d probably use a more colourful descriptive term, numerous in fact. For the sake of decorum, weenie sums him up pretty well here. Rhodes (Joe Pilato) is an angry, angry man on a power-trip. He routinely pours scorn upon anyone he sees as being inferior to himself, which is pretty much everyone. Even his own men aren’t immune to this thundering jerk, ordering them to execute their own at gunpoint. He is the brawn constantly fighting the brain, the ID personified. He is unable to accept the advice or council from the level-headed or of those with much more knowledge than himself. An endlessly combative man, he even gives the zombies the verbal ear bashing of “Choke on em” as they feast on his innards.
So there they are, my Top 10 Weenies in Horror. You may agree with some of my picks, you may think others are more deserving of a spot. Let us know your picks via the social media links below!