Halloween means different things to different people. Some see it as a night to dress up and scare your friends and family, some see it as an excuse to vandalize your vice principal’s house, some see it as further proof that a secret cult of devil-worshippers run the country and are normalizing deviant behavior by allowing schools to celebrate a day that recognizes ancient blood orgies and live sacrifices. The one thing everyone can agree on, though, is that Halloween candy is totally rad.
Just like everyone has their own favorite horror movies to watch once the air gets a little chillier and the dead leaves blanket the earth in beautiful reds and oranges, everyone has their own favorite Halloween candy. John Carpenter’s Halloween is a seasonal classic, and just about everyone can agree that it’s a classic. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the Halloween of Halloween candy; not necessarily everyone’s personal favorite, but by any objective measure one of the best. This year, Reese’s is upping the ante with PEANUT BUTTER BATS. In the past, peanut butter pumpkins were available and delicious, but bats are so much spookier than pumpkins. Case in point: you can put a bat on a Jack-o-lantern, but you can’t put a Jack-o-lantern on a bat.
The peanut butter bats are Target-exclusives, along with “Cookies and SCREEEM” M&Ms and Skull-and-Bone Sweet Tarts. Target also has new, spookier packaging for Dove chocolates and Reese’s mini peanut butter cups. In honor of these candies (and all candies), but specifically the bats, allow me to run you through my perfect trick-or-treat handful.
When I think about Halloween candy, I’m taken back to the waning hours of October 31st. I spread my treasure out across the kitchen table and feel like Scrooge McDuck deep in the vaults. I reach down and pick up the perfect handful of sugary treats. In my hands, I’ve got a Crunch bar, a fun size pack of Twizzlers, a Kit-Kat that I’m supposed to share with my brother but totally won’t (sucker), a Reese’s cup, a quarter from the lady down the street who believes candy will rot your teeth out but isn’t such a spoil-sport that she refuses to answer the door, and a piece of bubblegum that’s already peeking out of the wrapper. I’m gonna put that Reese’s cup in the freezer, because that’s tomorrow’s breakfast, but the rest of that is about to get devoured.
Well, maybe not the quarter.
What’s your perfect Halloween handful?