In the high-stakes world of digital currency, Cold Wallet takes us on a comedic heist journey that tries to mine more laughs than crypto, but occasionally finds itself lost in the blockchain of its own storyline. The semi-true tale spins a narrative around Billy (Raul Castillo), a father whose financial downfall leads him to hatch a plot alongside hacker extraordinaire Eva (Melonie Diaz) and good-vibes-only martial arts instructor Dom (Tony Cavalero), to crack into the cold wallet of supposedly deceased crypto CEO, Charles Hegel (Josh Brener). Their plan? Kidnap Hegel, force him to give up his trillion-dollar cold wallet, and redistribute that wealth like modern-day Robin Hoods to everyone he swindled with his “Tulip” coin.
Crypto (from an outside observer) looks overly complicated and managing a “Cold Wallet” seems about as easy as acquiring codes to launch nuclear weapons. The Cold Wallets requires several passcode or key phrases to access making it only slightly more tedious than trying to reset your Apple ID password. The particular Cold Wallet our band of Merry Men is attempting to break into is, naturally, heavily protected and the passcodes are scattered across several countries. As a billionaire, nothing is impossible, but the group needs to wait out the night with their kidnapped CEO until the passcodes arrive….giving them plenty of time to make mistakes, turn on each other, and fall victim to their unexpected host’s manipulation.
Raul Castillo (Army of The Dead), who plays Billy, takes a step away from his regular handsome self to play a disheveled, down-and-out divorcee who’s falling all the way down the reddit rabbit hole in an effort to rebuild his relationship with his daughter. Melonie Diaz’s Eva is a slick hacker who isn’t afraid to gun-up and kick down a few doors, and Tony Cavalero (easily the biggest comedic relief of the movie) plays Dom, a martial arts instructor who tries his best to channel love and compassion at all times….even during a violent kidnapping.
“…a diversified portfolio of humor, heart, and cyber suspense…”
Lastly, there’s Josh Brener as Crypto CEO Charles Hegel who does most of the heavy lifting in the dialog department. His chill, millennial menace is as barbed as you’d expect from any ruthless billionaire (trillionaire?), but it’s also layered with that oh-too-familiar tech nerd snark. His main goal is to separate Billy from the rest of the group, enticing him with the promise of immense wealth but he’s clearly an untrustworthy jackass.
While Cold Wallet succeeds in delivering the occasional laugh the trouble is that it doesn’t have much in the way of surprises. If the heist went smoothly, we’d have no story, but by the time the group has lost control of the situation the end is already in sight. In that gulf between the setup and the payoff there is plenty of time to scrutinize the world of crypto and the seemingly limitless power of the ultra-rich but it doesn’t really dig deep into any of those themes. If Bong Joon Ho’s Parasite (2019) was a university level course on wealth inequality, Cold Wallet is more like a podcast recap on the GameStonk saga. It’s like the film is attempting to solve a complex crypto puzzle without all the pieces.
“If Parasite (2019) was a university level course on wealth inequality, Cold Wallet is more like a podcast recap on the GameStonk saga”
However, it’s not all a bear market for Cold Wallet. The chemistry among the cast shines, and their performances add a human touch to the impersonal world of cryptocurrency. The film playfully navigates through its plot with enough wit and humor to keep audiences engaged, even if it doesn’t fully capitalize on its unique premise.
While Cold Wallet might not be the ultimate crypto heist caper, it’s a transaction worth making for its diversified portfolio of humor, heart, and cyber suspense. In the volatile market of film, Cold Wallet is a modest investment that yields steady returns.
Cutter Hodierne’s Cold Wallet celebrated its World Premiere at the 2024 SXSW Film Festival. Click HERE to follow our continued coverage of the festival and let us know if you have any crypto tips in the official Nightmare on Film Street discord!
