Everyone has heard of the concept of Chekhov’s Gun. But what about Chekhov’s Bong? That means if a character in a horror movie is ripping fat tokes from a bong in one scene, there’s a strong possibility that bong will be smashed over their head in the next scene by some maniac killer. You might not realize it, but head shops are stocked full of instruments of death, you just have to use imagination.
I watched a ton of stoner horror in search of the best deaths by paraphernalia. I found myself disappointed if a character wasn’t killed by a bong. It just felt like a missed opportunity. If the filmmakers were that desperate for their movie to have original kills, why not stab somebody in the eye with a vape pen? That’s a million dollar idea that hasn’t been done before! You’re welcome.
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LEPRECHAUN 6: BACK 2 THA HOOD
The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) has traveled everywhere, from Las Vegas to outer space. But he had so much fun in the hood the first time, he had to go back for a second time in Leprechaun 6: Back 2 tha Hood. The hood is great because it has plenty of people smoking up. So when the three-and-a-half-foot supernatural creature walks in on a random stoner (Victor Togunde) taking hits from a freshly-purchased bong, he just assumes he’s hallucinating. He even offers to share some of his weed with the Leprechaun. The two pass the bong back and forth, both giggling like schoolgirls. But when a gold coin falls out of the stoner’s pocket, the mood quickly changes. The Leprechaun snatches up the bong and stabs the stoner in the stomach, filling the bong up with his blood.
HAPPY DEATH DAY
In the horror comedy Happy Death Day, Tree Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) is stuck in some Groundhog Day scenario, where she has to relive the same day over and over again, and each time, she is killed by a freak in a baby mask. This allows for a variety of creative kills. Not yet aware that she’s stuck in a time loop, Tree attends her surprise birthday party at the local frat house. After a few drinks, she follows cute guy Nick (Blaine Kern III) into his room– which he calls the “Pleasure Dome.” But while she’s distracted with an argument on her phone, the Babyface Killer sneaks into the room, kills Nick, smashes his bong, and stabs Tree in the jugular with the jagged neck of the bong.
It’s a stoner tradition to celebrate April 20th for some reason (which also happens to be Hitler’s birthday). In 4/20 Massacre, a group of friends go camping in the woods and come across a backpack full of pot. The one pothead of the group, Donna (Stacey Danger) is ecstatic. She came on the camping trip fully prepared to smoke up once the clock strikes 4:20pm, lugging a large glass bong up the mountain just for the occasion. While the rest of the girls go off to explore (and make out a bit), Donna is perfectly content staying behind at the campsite, alone with her bong. But there’s a killer lurking about, looking for their stolen backpack. Too stoned out of her mind, Donna doesn’t hear the killer come up from behind her. As she inhales her final toke, the killer smashes her head down on the bong, impaling her brain.
BONG OF THE LIVING DEAD
This one is kind of cheating because technically the tool of death in question was a weapon before it was fashioned into a smoking device. The stoner gang in Bong of the Living Dead are an innovative bunch, though they’re usually looking for new ways to get high. By drilling a few holes, they have turned a baseball bat into a fully functioning pipe. Who cares if it’s awkward to smoke out of, the point is it works! So on one fateful night, while smoking a few bowls out of the bat on their front porch, the gang sees a woman being attacked by a zombie from across the street. Without wasting any time, the stoners crack the zombie in the head with their pipe/bat. Hours later, safely barricaded in their home, they’re back to smoking the bat.
This is one angle we haven’t explored yet. What if the bong itself is the killer? That’s essentially the entire premise of Full Moon Features’ Evil Bong. Pothead Larnell (John Patrick Jordan) impulsively orders a giant magic bong from a magazine. The bong makes him and his roommates so high that they pass out instantly, only to wind up dead the next day. It turns out the bong has a mind of her own, and is trapping the souls of her victims inside her, in a fantasy world that takes the form of a strip club… with killer strippers. Saving those souls ain’t easy either, since the Evil Bong or Eebee (voiced by Michele Mais) is practically indestructible. Somehow, the concept of the Evil Bong was stretched out into six sequels and one crossover movie with the Gingerdead Man.
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