Dear Reader, I am once again asking you to do the unthinkable and…….ignore this review. Simply stop reading now, and go see the damn movie. Zach Cregger’s highly anticipated Weapons hit theatres this last weekend and just like his 2022 surprise shocker Barbarian, the less you know the better. That said, if you’re on the fence about seeing this one and you’re just looking for rough idea of what to expect, you’ve come to the right place.
I would hate to ruin the experience of seeing this wild story slowly unfold as intended, so you’re *pretty much* free of spoilers from here on out. But if you like movies, and you like being surprised (which I’m sure you do), just do yourself a favor and take a risk on a movie ticket tonight before the rest of the internet recklessly gives away everything great about this unpredictable horror story.
The tagline pretty much says it all; Last night at 2:17 AM, every child from Mrs. Gandy’s class woke up, got out of bed, went downstairs, opened the front door, walked into the dark….and they never came back. It is pretty funny that one of the year’s most secretive movies has maybe the longest tagline, but that’s all you really need to know. And honestly, that’s all you really want to know. Frankly, that’s all any of us knew for months beyond Cregger’s knack for writing stories that take viewers down a labyrinth of limitless possibilities, which is likely selling as many tickets as the creepy ‘n’ cryptic ad campaigns that New Line has been running for months now.
Weapons stars (among others) Julia Garner (Wolf Man) as the town’s most hated elementary school teacher, and Josh Brolin (Dune: Part 1) who brings out the maps and red yarn as the confused and furious father of a missing child. Alden Ehrenreich (Cocaine Bear) adds a sprinkle of chaos as a young beat cop in over his head, while Austin Abrams (Scary Stories To Tell in The Dark) lives on the fringes as a desperate drug-addict and Cary Christopher (Mank) proves that the kids aren’t alright. It’s a sprawling story with a huge cast of characters, all of whom share equal screen time in a story that peels away layers to show the complex, creepy web that connects their storylines together in this haunting mystery of mayhem.
“…jaw-on-the-floor moments of pure horror”
Barbarian was the most unpredictable movie of 2022 and Weapons is sure to take that title for 2025 as well. Cregger has proven himself to be a storyteller that wants to shock audiences, but not just with jaw-on-the-floor moments of pure horror, and oh boy are there plenty of those in Weapons 😮.
Where he really excels is putting audiences in situation where they truly don’t know what’s going to happen next. That uncertainty is how Cregger’s villains are able to get under your skin, and in your head, and make you feel like you’ve walked into a living nightmare. And if there’s one thing that I want in a new horror movie, it’s the sense of nervous anticipation that Weapons carries from it’s haunting start to it’s bloody finish.
Zach Cregger’s Weapons is in theatres now! Go see it. Seriously. And afterward, let us knwo what you thought of this surprising spook-fest over in The Official Nightmare on Film Street Discord! Social Media is A Cesspool. Come Hang Where All The Cool Creeps Are
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